sayonara (for now)

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
– Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran (2003)

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a little life

“The axiom of equality states that always equals x: it assumes that if you have a conceptual thing named x, that it must always be equivalent to itself, that it has a uniqueness about it, that it is in possession of something so irreducible that we must assume it is absolutely, unchangeably equivalent to itself for all time, that its very elementalness can never be altered. But it is impossible to prove. Always, absolutes, nevers: these are the words, as much as numbers, that make up the world of mathematics…he had always appreciated how elusive it was, how the beauty of the equation itself would always be frustrated by the attempts to prove it. It was the kind of axiom that could drive you mad, that could consume you, that could easily become an entire life.”

– Hanya Yanagihara (2015)

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when they come alive

Try to preserve them, poet,
your visions of love,
however few may stay for you.
Cast them, half hidden, into your verse.
Try to hold on to them, poet,
when they come alive in your mind
at night or in the brightness of noon.

– C.P. Cavafy* in Remember, Body…
a collection of poetry (1897-1933)

*shout out to my former roomie Dimitri for gifting it to me!

 

we live for such miracles

Who can say if the thoughts you have in your mind as you read these words are the same thoughts I had in my mind as I typed them? We are different, you and I, and the qualia of our consciousness are as divergent as two stars at the ends of the universe.

And yet, whatever has been lost in translation in the long journey of my thoughts through the maze of civilization to your mind, I think you do understand me, and you think you do understand me. Our minds managed to touch, if but briefly and imperfectly.

Does the thought not make the universe seem just a bit kinder, a bit brighter, a bit warmer and more human?

We live for such miracles.

– Ken Liu, Preface to The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories (2016)


I just flipped the last page of this lovely (and at times disturbing) collection of magical realism/science fiction short stories featuring Chinese, Taiwanese, and Japanese narratives. The writing has a beautiful ability to make you feel comforting familiarity, revulsion, sadness, or intense curiosity–sometimes all at the same time. My friend Fernando gifted it to me for my birthday and told me he read the title story at a hike’s cliff-side resting point. He finished reading, burst into tears, and called his mother. Knowing this, I sat alone enjoying a bowl of Okinawan soba (white wheat noodles garnished with pork belly and pickled ginger) at Onna Soba waiting out the pounding rain and for my bus to take me back to Naha when I cracked open The Paper Menagerie. Between mouthfuls of soba I felt tears welling and then streaming down my face, my fellow diners furtively casting confused looks my way whilst I put down my book and dabbed my face with an already damp oshibori. I also called my mother later that night.

I love to read and it’s been a long time since a book has made me feel so much. Touching upon perspectives I grew up with or have come to know well: an independent woman, a Chinese immigrant, a person in love, a child of an incredible mother, or a contributing citizen to Japanese society, I felt a deep affinity with Liu’s words and his considerations of good, evil, and mystical are both poignant and incisive. Reading these stories simultaneously took me outside myself and urged me to consider my own experience as an Asian American. This book review describes the feeling very well.

Ken Liu is also a living interpretation of a version of my own dream. He is amazingly expressive in two languages, professionally trained as a lawyer, and simultaneously pursuing a path as a dreamer/writer. I have come away from this book with a new source of inspiration and I am so grateful.

You can read The Paper Menagerie short story here. Please tell me what you think.

xo your friend alice

Location: Tokyo, Japan

west and the rest

“The Western scientific heritage is founded upon an epistemological system that prizes the objective over the subjective, the logical over the intuitive, and the empirically verifiable over the mystical. The methods of social-scientific examinations of cultures are thus already value laden; the choice to examine and understand other cultures by these methods involves a commitment to certain values such as objectivity. Scientific discourse has a privileged place in Western cultures, but the discourses of myth, tradition, religion, and mystical insight are often the dominant forms of thought and language of non-Western cultures. To insist on trying to understand nonscientific cultures by the methods of Western science is not only distorting, but is also an expression of an attempt to maintain a Eurocentric cultural chauvinism: the chauvinism of science. According to this objection, it is only by adopting the (often nonscientific) perspectives and methods of the cultures studied that real understanding can be achieved.”

Against the Multicultural Agenda: A Critical Thinking Alternative, Yehudi Webster (1997)

brought to you by the LSAT study grind…some of this material is actually really interesting

xo your friend alice

Location: Tokyo, Japan

spotted in: ohori koen

I impulsively decided to take a trip over a long weekend to spend the first day of spring in Fukuoka. The impulse was spurred by a feeling of restlessness after my friends left, a hope for early cherry blossoms in the western isles of Japan, and just wanting to take advantage of three consecutive days off work. The trip from Tokyo takes about 5.5 hours on the shinkansen (bullet train). It was my first time visiting Kyushu, so I’ve now seen parts of Honshu, Hokkaido, and Kyushu. The only remaining major Japanese island I’ve yet to visit is Shikoku. My goal is to visit all four before my stint in this beautiful country is over for the time being.

“Both life and death manifest in every moment of existence. Our human body appears and disappears moment by moment, without cease, and this ceaseless arising and passing away is what we experience as time and being. They are not separate. They are one thing, and in even a fraction of a second, we have the opportunity to choose, and to turn the course of our action either toward the attainment of truth or away from it. Each instant is utterly critical to the whole world.”

– Ruth Ozeki, A Tale for the Time Being (2013)

My friend hates having her photo taken, but she gave me approval to shoot anything but her face (which is a shame because it’s a lovely one).

girls x waves

IMG_6545IMG_6540xo your friend alice

Location: Ohori Park, Fukuoka, Fukuoka Prefecture, Kyushu, Japan

aishiteru (means i love you)

‘How much do you love me?’ Midori asked.
‘Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter’, I said.

– Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (1987)

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody. I hope you are practicing jiai 自愛, or self-love today, and everyday. (The kanji for this idea is the same in Chinese and also happens to be the first character in my name, ‘ai’.) My dear friend Lin (from our little concrete jungle photoshoot) shared a beautiful bilingual post about this concept on her blog, which you can read here.

This space has been a bit stagnant to me the past 2 months. Maybe from a lack of excitement or a natural lull as it occurs to all creative forms. Consistently creating something I am proud of is difficult, and the more drafts I go through, the more I can whittle away the unpublishable or what is simply not quite ready to be shared. I would rather sacrifice quantity than quality, and as I am both self-critical and continuously appraising, I have been collecting photographic ideas and sentiments in my mind for what may come into existence in the future. Even if few people ever see this page, it matters to me that I make something that I am proud of. My best mate Kelly thinks I should combat the artificial norm of only sharing triumphant moments and dreamy vacations on the internet, and while I generally agree with this perspective (sure I have fun, but I don’t post photos of my late nights at the office), I think I will save my daily thoughts for my journal as they may not inspire anyone but me at the moment. Just know that life has been relatively calm over in these parts. Actually, I have been feeling quite inspired and energized today reflecting on what I will be doing this time next year and researching how to further my ultimate dream of a life of international engagement by deepening my multilingual proficiency and pursuing more working opportunities at the intersection of cultures. I am doing some plotting, but I will be patient until I have more concrete plans.

xo your friend alice

p.s. I finished reading Norwegian Wood the day my favorite uncle died, and for that reason, I will never forget it.

p.p.s. While aishiteru 愛してる means ‘I love you’ in Japanese, it is rarely used in spoken communication as it is a very serious, intense proclamation of devotion. Instead, daisuki 大好き is said, which can apply to really loving your partner, or really loving strawberry shortcake.

Location: Tokyo, Japan