2016 year end musings

Thoughts and experiences that defined my year…

  • I became comfortable riding a bike in traffic after a couple of scrapes and wipe outs. Tokyo is actually an extremely bike-able city as it’s expansive, not too hilly, and drivers are (generally) pretty polite. Also, there are so many people riding mamacharis, unlike a city like San Francisco where bikers tend to be hardcore messenger types with clip in cycling shoes. Here, people ride miniature folding bikes, converted mountain bikes, cycle while smoking cigarettes; women ride bikes in skirts, with their children strapped to the back, and salarymen ride in their suits. Commuting to work is good for my soul and in addition to my camera, my bike has been hands down the best material investment I’ve made this year.
  • I began training for the Tokyo Marathon and it has done wonders for my self-belief and focus. (I never thought I’d be the type of person to casually run 6 miles.)
  • I reconnected with so many incredible friends from different parts of my life thanks to living in a city that people want to visit and where they likely don’t know anyone else. (Shout outs to Jackie, Eric, Angelo, Hinh, Joey, Katy, Rainey, Dan, Anthony, Caitlin, Lily, Carson, my cousin Linda, my brother, his wife and my niece, and my mama!)
  • My big brother got married, and I cried the entire weekend from happiness and awe at how powerful romantic love can be. I was never the type to dream about a beautiful wedding, but after seeing my brother surrounded by his closest friends and witnessing the love shared between him and his wife, I understand why people love weddings. I felt closer to my brother during this time than I have in years and I am so grateful we were able to connect in the days leading up to the wedding and grow to understand each other better. And I love having a sister in-law
  • Forgiveness allowed me to heal old wounds. Specifically, one of the most significant friendships of my college years was torn apart in 2015, and in 2016, we were able to reunite with love for each other, and move forward from the actions that had caused so much pain. Healing does not mean that the damage never existed, but rather that it no longer controls your life. And for a long time, I related this story to whoever would listen because it was one of the greatest heartbreaks I had ever encountered. I learned so much compassion and self-discovery from this experience; it definitely forced me to grapple with my own character flaws. I wish only the best for this friend, whom I love dearly.
  • The heady power of introspection helped me acknowledge space for growth. I have especially noticed the cultural osmosis of Japanese values such as hansei in my life this year, which translates to self-reflection, the desire to assume responsibility and commit to improvement. The nature of life in Tokyo is simultaneously solitary and populated by other voices, people, and thoughts. I have noticed in myself an improved capacity to self soothe and be observant of my surroundings. I want to always be open to new experiences and feelings, but this year I have set forth a goal to improve my ability to set boundaries; to know the things that can hurt me and stop running headlong into them despite their seductive qualities.
  • I have also found that when living abroad, asking for help, is often the single best way to find a solution to a problem. I have been pleasantly surprised on many occasions which this has been true.
  • I started this blog in July and it has brought me endless hours of creative stimulation, thoughtfulness, and the real bottom-line: JOY. The interesting thing about this medium is that it’s 100% public for me but can be completely anonymous for readers. I don’t get the instant gratification of ‘likes’ and I have no idea who might be looking at it unless another blogger comments or a friend mentions they’ve taken a peek. Counterintuitively, this makes me feel absolutely free to write what I want. It has allowed me to cultivate an archive of beauty through my eyes, a space to record ideas and beliefs, and to share with whoever stumbles across this page a small slice of the idealism I hold dearly. I have nearly 40 draft posts that may never see the light of world wide web publication, but give me the comfort of having articulated my thoughts in sentences and images. I see so many bloggers with financial motivations behind their pages, which seems like a plum avenue to create income, but inevitably I feel that they lead to surface-level observations or artificial endorsements of products to generate clicks. I recently re-read A Tale for the Time Being, a beautiful whimsical novel about a Japanese girl who faces the challenge of assimilating back into her home culture after spending much of her childhood in California. On page 26, footnote 31, the author quotes: “Once the writer in every individual comes to life (and that time is not far off), we are in for an age of universal deafness and lack of understanding.” Milan Kundera, Book of Laughter and Forgetting (1980). While I agree that the surge in social media channels makes it feel as though our acquaintances are shouting at us indiscriminately through the void of space and time, I do believe that writing allows each person to fully reflect and organize our own feelings and recollections; hopes and dreams are recorded for future referral. Such self-examination does not exclude the ability to listen; rather, it is how we choose to use these tools to achieve understanding. Do we listen only to those who agree with us? And do we stop to consider how others may feel? While this page has allowed me space to share my thoughts, it has also encouraged me to think holistically about the world and the experiences I have been lucky to have. P.S. People from 33 different countries and 6 continents visited this page in 2016–pretty wild!
  • The only new country I traveled to this year was Cambodia, but I also had the pleasure of visiting several new cities/islands including Nikko, Niseko, Shimoda, Rikuzentakata, Kesennuma (two cities in Tohoku worst hit by the 2011 tsunami), Miyakejima, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Miyajima, Nara, Ito, Atami, Boston, and making return trips to NYC, Hong Kong, and Hakone.
  • I read 15 books this year, and The Sympathizer was my favorite. Read my review of it here. In the new year I would like to read many more books to continue stimulating my inner world and imagination. My last year in college I read at least 2 books a week, and I definitely miss absorbing information and beautiful sentences at such a clip. One desire for the new year is to read more in transit and before bed instead of scrolling through social media or watching netflix.
  • In my yoga practice, I learned to balance in headstand  (sirsasana) and get into scorpion (vriscikasana) while leaning against a wall. I hope to grow and improve my postures in the new year, take bikram classes, and return to teaching vinyasa flow yoga.
  • The most important thing I have taken away from this year is a renewed sense of my own intuition. To trust that if something feels right, then it’s meant to happen, and if there is a sneaking feeling about it, to reevaluate before rushing headlong. My strength lies in relating to people, and I feel that if I continue to be my best self, continually evaluating space for growth and gambarimasu (try my best), nothing is impossible.

xo your friend alice

2016 best nine // @alicelenator on instagramalicelenator.jpg
Location: Tokyo, Japan

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